Virtual IT Dad

Image by pressfoto on Freepik.

Computers, and computer adjacent devices like smartphones and tablets, can be very confusing and a bit scary for the uninitiated.  Here's the best advice I can muster while being sleep deprived.  I hope you find it useful.  

1. Back up your computer regularly. Apple’s iCloud and Microsoft’s Onedrive clients make this easy to do.  But you have to be on top of it. This shouldn’t be your only backup. External USB hard drives are cheap and can be backed up too regularly. Cloud services are lovely but if you lose access to them (payment or forgotten password) you lose access to your files. Back up often to two locations. 
2. Use a password manager and a new password for each website or service. I know it’s hard to come up with new ones, but a password manager can generate complex ones easily. And then you just have to remember one password for your manager. Just make sure that’s complex too. 
3. Encrypt your devices; phone, laptop, and any storage devices. Losing these without encryption means anyone with a 6th grade IT experience can read your files. You don’t want that. Encryption is easy. Microsoft Bitlocker for PC and apple FileVault for Mac. 
4. Don’t send nude pictures. The very nature of digital means that a copy can be made infinitely and you’ll never know. Trust the guy?  I’m sure he’s great, but what happens if he gets mad?  Sounds like a risk to me. It’s not worth it. Even apps that purport to avoid screenshots or sharing can be circumvented. There’s no way to ensure your digital safety. 
5. Online, anyone can be anyone. Scams are infinite. Trust no one. Validate everything. Get a text about a problem with a business or financial institution? Look up their number outside of the text and call them. 
6. The padlock next to a site only means that it is using a certificate to validate the site name is what it claims to be. It does not mean it’s not a bad site. Be careful. Make sure you know what you’re clicking. 
7. Macs take a lot of grief for how expensive they are, but their longevity, lack of bloat, resell value, and ease of service make up for a lot of that.  Consider that when buying a computer. 
8. Try to avoid disreputable sites.  Poorly secured sites can mean problems down the road due to viruses or unwanted programs.  Use a good antivirus. 
9. Don't let other people use a computer out of your sight.  Could mean they're rifling your files, installing spyware, or stealing data.  
10. Microsoft and Apple will never call you to tell you that you have a virus.  Despite their huge sizes as organization, they don't have the resources to do that.  If you get a call, it's a scam.  
11. Run Windows Updates when prompted.  There's usually a good set of security related fixes and postponing these could mean that your computer is vulnerable to a virus attack. 
12. Buying computers from a club like Costco or Sams club can pay off big if you have a warranty issue, or just decide you want to return.  Understand your options before you make a big purchase. 

Napoleons

 ...gosh!

For a while when the Food Network show "Chopped" was in its infancy, it seemed like whenever the contestants were confronted with the dessert round they would make either French toast (while delicious, I would argue it is not a dessert) or a Napoleon (with things like matzo, pate, and ice cream).  

Today, I'm going to make a Napoleon with tasty things, including that lemon curd I posted earlier.  I'm still tweaking this, so don't be surprised if this gets revised in the future.  

Ingredients

Blueberries. About a pound.  Frozen is fine.  I use wild blueberries as they tend to be sweeter.  

Sugar. I used 1 1/4 cup of sugar.  Probably could use less. Don't judge me. 

Lemon. The lemon adds a nice dimension to the blueberry reduction.  

Puff Pastry. From everything I have heard, there's no point in making your own unless you've got Paul Hollywood breathing down your neck.  

Lemon curd.  Does anyone have a good recipe for it?

Whipped cream. Fresh is better, though the can is fine here.  

Corn starch. If needed to thicken your mixture.  About 1Tbsp.  Mix with approximately 4Tbsp of hot water.  I neglected to get pics of this step, so you'll just have to imagine.  

Directions

1. Put your blueberries in a high wall pot.  Add sugar and the juice of one lemon.  Stir to combine and set to medium heat.  The blueberries will release a lot of liquid.  Bring to a simmer and reduce temperature if needed.  This is going to take a bit, perhaps 30-40 minutes.  

2. Once the blueberries have cooled somewhat, run them through a fine mesh strainer.  This is so that the reduction is smooth when we add to the Napoleon.  

3. Place back in the saucepan.  Bring to a simmer and add your corn starch to bring to a desired thickness.  I wanted it thick enough to leave a distinct trail if a spoon was run through it.  Sadly, I thought I had pictures of this step, but I failed.  Feel free to ask for a refund.  Let the finished sauce sit on the counter until room temperature, and then place in the fridge until chilled.  

4. While you wait for the sauces to chill, thaw your puff pastry.  You can either have done this by placing in the fridge overnight or thawing on your counter for 40 minutes.  Unfold the sheets and then cut into 12 equal rectangles.  Place on a parchment lined baking sheet and run a fork over it.  You want it to puff, but not uncontrollably so.  Bake following your package directions for temperature and time. 

5. Once lightly browned, remove and place on a cooling rack. I inverted mine.  You want these to be completely cool before filling, otherwise you will have a sloppy mess.  If that's your thing, get down with your bad self.  

6. Take two pieces of pastry that are the same size and split them open.  You will want to use the three flattest pieces for this step.  You can eat the fourth.  Spread blueberry reduction on one piece and lemon curd on the other.  Stack them up.  

7. Top with whipped cream. I went for a traditional star pattern, but you can go nuts.  

8.  And, as Napoleon Dynamite would say, "eat the food, Tina!"

When Life Gives You Lemons...

...Train them up to be an army and then rule the world!

 

Lemons: we love them even though they hurt us.  That sharp tang.  A bit of sweetness.  The bright yellow color.  When life gives you lemons, you're supposed to make lemonade according to the saying.   I'll do you one better.  

Like many 'Muricans, I was exposed to the beauty that is lemon curd by The Great British Baking Show.  I love lemon curd.  You can use it as a filling in a pastry, a topping, or even part of a pie or cake.  But as much as I love lemon curd (thank you, diabetes), my wife loves it even more.  She hasn't been feeling well, so I decided to get up early today and make some for her and then use it as part of a dessert later (more to come there).  However, there should be plenty left for a breakfast toast accompaniment.  I've adapted the venerable Mary Berry's recipe, located here.  Please note that I'm not using lemon zest in this adaptation.  I've tried in multiple times and I don't care for what it does to the texture. 

Ingredients

Lemons. You'll need four.  If you buy a bag of them, save the rest for another batch or throw at your children.  Good fun for all involved.  

Sugar. Roughly 1/3 cup.  As you make your curd, you might decide you need more if you're not sweet enough.  My wife says I'm sweet as is.  

Eggs.  Four large eggs.  Brown or white are fine.  Don't discriminate.  

Butter.  One stick of unsalted butter.  Cut into cubes.  It does not need to be softened, unless that's the effect you have on it with your charm.  

 

Directions 

1. Cut your butter into cubes.  You can use the wrapper as an easy transport vessel to the pot, so don't cut through it.  

 

2. In a high sided sauce pan, break four eggs.  You do not need to scramble them ahead of time.  

3. Add the sugar and butter.  

 

4. Roll your lemons against the counter top.  This breaks down the cell structure where the juice is held within the lemon.  It will allow you to get more juice from the lemon.  In this instance, the juice is very worth the squeeze.  

 

5.  Cut each lemon in half and squeeze the juice into a medium size bowl.  Lemons have a lot of seeds and they are not good to eat or friendly on your teeth.   This step will make sure you don't have a sneaky infiltrator into your lovely soft curd.  

 

6.  Place a wire strainer over the pot and pour the juice from the bowl through it.  Throw the seeds away and wear the bowl as a hat. Or not.  You do you.  

 

7.  Using a wire whisk, gently whisk the mixture together over medium low heat.  The goal is not to blend but to keep things moving so nothing burns.  The heat is going to do the heavy lifting here.  

 

When you see the butter is completely melted, things are getting close.  You need to keep whisking.  

 

Once the mixture begins to thicken, turn the heat off and transfer immediately to a heat proof container.  I like to use a pyrex cup.  Let sit on the counter until it cools to room temperature.  Then refrigerate immediately.  This will keep in the fridge for up to a week, though we've never had to ask ourselves with this, "Is this curd still good?"  It's always "Who ate all of the lemon curd?!"

 

 

Gimme Steam

 ...and how you feel to make it real

Image by Valve Corporation

One of the most anticipated tech related releases is Valve's Steam Deck .  It is essentially a battery powered small form factor PC with controls, a touch screen, and a combination GPU/CPU that allows you to run a great deal of PC related content.  This is not a Microsoft Windows device; rather, it is powered by Valve's Linux variant called SteamOS that uses a translation layer called Proton to allow compatibility with Windows games.  This is not a new concept; other organizations have developed similar devices for some time.  The Nintendo Switch was a big hit with a similar form factor.  The Steam Deck gives you the form factor of a gaming handheld, the performance of a PC, and yet does it for less than $700.  My personal build was the 64GB model at $400.  I'm extremely satisfied with it.  Pair it up with a mouse, keyboard, and portable display, and you have a mobile workstation.  

In the coming days, I'll show what I've done with it and why I feel that this technology is only the beginning of a very exciting journey.  

What in cornation?!

 Corn is amaizeing.  

By Juan Carlos Fonseca Mata - Own work, CC BY-SA 4.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=81224187

Corn bread has been a staple of southern cooking for a very long time.  I think of my mother in law when I make it.  She stayed with us for several months while my wife sorted out her health issues and we had it a lot.  It is filling, slightly sweet, and holds up well as side or in a dish like beans.  I've added my take on it with a few fun additions.  

Ingredients

Corn bread mix.  Yes, it's easy enough to make your own.  I just didn't feel like making it today.  

Jarred jalapenos.  Refers to the container and not the state of shock of the jalapenos.  You can use fresh if you want.  I like the salinity of the jarred here.  

Cheese.  Any kind you like, though feta would be weird.  

1/3 cup milk.  The box called for it.  Obey the box.

One egg. Same here.  

Directions

1. Preheat your oven to 400F.  Line a pan with parchment paper.  This makes for easy unloading of the pan once the cornbread is cooled.  

2. Combine corn bread mix, egg, and milk in a high sided bowl.  Mix well.  Let sit 20 minutes to let the leavening agents do their thing.  

3. While you wait, chop the desired amount of jalapenos finely.  

4. Add chopped jalapeno and shredded cheese to your mixing bowl.  Add cheese until the dairy association calls you and tells you that you caused a shortage.  Mix well.

5. Spread evenly in pan and cook for 15-20 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean.  

6. Once cooked and slightly browned on top, let cool in pan.  Pull parchment from pan, slice, and enjoy.  

Pressure Cooker Beans

 Beans, beans, the musical fruit...

By 維基小霸王 - Own work, CC BY-SA 4.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=88894798

Beans have been a staple in my household from as long as I can  remember.  From Slavic dishes to rustic southern cuisine.  They are cheap, filling, and versatile.  Using a pressure cooker takes a lot of the work and time out them.  

Ingredients

Dried Pinto Beans.  Easy to find.  Shelf stable.  What's not to love?

Ham Hocks.  Do not hock or huck the ham hock.

Crushed red pepper flakes.  In a house where the majority of people don't eat anything spicier than ketchup, I sneak this in.  It adds a slight kick.  It's real easy to overdo, so I would go with a pinch and incrementally add more. 

Stock (beef or chicken).  For the two of you that read this, you can use this recipe to make your own. You'll need roughly 64oz.  You can freeze what you don't use.  

Salt and pepper. Ham is extremely salty, so be sure to taste the finished product before adding more salt.   

Directions

1. Place a piece of parchment paper on the counter and spread your beans out.  You are looking for small rocks and debris.  Yes, you need to do this unless you have a thing for broken teeth.  No, I won't do it for you.  

2. Place your ham hocks in the pressure cooker pot.  

3. Use the parchment paper to lift the beans like a hammock (for your ham hocks.  See what I did there?) and pour the beans into the pot.  

4. Toss some crushed red pepper flake to taste.  My kids have a weak tolerance for heat, so this is the most I dare.  

5. Add stock.  If yours is out of stock, get a carton at the store.  

6. Cook on high for about 25 minutes to start.  Use a natural release of pressure.  

7. Check tenderness of the beans.  If they're still pretty firm, cook for another 10-15 minutes on high. Mine were, so more time and more stock.  

8. Beans are tender now.  Time to remove the hocks and remove the bones and extra fat.  Not good to eat.  It's a good time to check the beans and ensure no small bones were left.  

9. My hocks didn't seem to have a lot of meat on them, so I added some additional diced ham I had.  Let it sit for a bout 20 minutes on low and it is ready to serve after you check the salt and crushed red pepper levels to ensure they're to your liking.  Enjoy!

Speaking in code

"It says Drink your Ovaltine..."

My mother gifted me a 2008 Chevy Trailblazer in 2018.  It had over 200,000 miles and a variety of errors on the dash. I am not a car guy so I bought one of these: OBD2 Scanner.  

It helped show what the errors were as well as allow me to turn them off so they wouldn't be annoying.  

Additionally, a coworker had an issue with his remote start on his vehicle.  This nifty little device allowed us to reset the condition and allowed it to work again.  No visit to the dealer required.  

Prices vary between $14-30.  I was not paid for this post; merely appreciative of the tech and sharing knowledge.  

Makin' Bacon

 Step one...acquire bacon

Image courtesy of https://www.flickr.com/photos/23178876@N03/2222309331/

Bacon is nature's perfect food.  Works well as it's own thing, such as a pork belly steak, or in a dish.  You can even use it in largely sweet dishes to balance out with a bit of salty and smoky goodness (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maple_bacon_donut). However, the process of cooking bacon on a stovetop is messy and can add an odor to your domicile that some find unpleasant.  The best way to cook bacon is using a sheet tray, your oven, and parchment paper.  A press grill will work well for this also, but you'll need to clean the plates afterwards.  

Ingredients

Bacon. I prefer thick cut.  Thin cut will cook faster but you'll run the risk of burning it faster as well.  The timings here are for thicker bacon. 

Parchment paper. Will do the heavy lifting of making sure the bacon is nice and crispy as well as make clean up minimal.  

Sheet tray.  Unless you plan on just throwing the bacon in your oven (not recommended), you'll need something to cook it on.  

Directions

1. Preheat your oven to 350F.  

2. Place sheet pan on a stable surface.  Cover it with parchment paper to fit.  If you do not fit the paper to the pan, you risk having to clean the pan after cooking, and what was the point of doing all this?

3. Add bacon to pan.  Try to leave a little space around each piece of bacon.  Avoid eating the bacon.  The wait will be worth it.  

4. Cook the bacon for approximately 25-35 minutes, depending on the thickness and efficiency of your oven.  

5. Remove the bacon from the sheet pan and drain on paper towels.  Once cooled, enjoy.  

6. As a bonus, once the pan and bacon grease has cooled slightly, carefully pour it into heat proof bowl to save for cooking.  It's wonderful stuff!